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Return to Home Page Friendship is a Verb
All About Friendship & Relationship Here are a few thoughts from my book 'Friendship is a Verb'. I hope you find them helpful. Use the following links to navigate this page: About Friendships & Relationships
ABOUT FRIENDSHIPS & RELATIONSHIPS: 'The real testing comes when we are called to develop or maintain relationships in the painful and difficult times.' 'Relationships are two way and are vital in our everyday life and in the life of the church. Our successes, failures and sense of fulfilment are integral to the kind of relationships we build and maintain.' 'Communicating with others and having the opportunity to share our triumphs, failures, fears and ambitions is so important for fulfilment in life. If this was not so, why is solitary confinement used as a punishment? When we do not share with others, either through choice or through imposed circumstances, we can become frustrated and angry, or we may become depressed and reclusive. God designed us for relationship; otherwise He would only have made Adam!' 'I believe that we can only be truly effective and fulfilled in life when we have good relationships with other people, God and are comfortable with who we are. This is vitally important in ensuring that the church demonstrates God's love to other people.' 'The way in which we handle our relationships and friendships is crucial to both the positive and negative impact that we will have as individuals.' FROM THE CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE: 'Ask yourself, as I did, "Is there anything of me in here that God wants to change?" Then commit yourself and pray that He will. I will continue to pray that this will be an ongoing process so that, each day, we can all demonstrate more clearly that friendship is a verb in a hurting world.' 'For the Christian it is our relationship with God that is of paramount importance. This is the anchor which should hold us steady in this world, the foundation on which all our other relationships are built. A good relationship with God is a great start, but it is not the whole story; the Bible calls us to love our neighbours as we love ourselves (Luke 10: 27b). Therefore, it follows that unless I learn to love myself I have little chance of ever loving my neighbour. I believe that loving myself begins when I begin to see myself as God really sees me; valued, unconditionally loved and cherished for who I am (warts and all). For some of us, taking this onboard may require considerable effort, even adjustment or a change of our culture.' 'If we are honest, many of us find it hard to love ourselves. Sadly, this is often the fruit of our upbringing, or of erroneous teaching. We have grown up meeting the expectations of others, having to respond to demands like, "Do this or you won't get the reward" or "Aim for the top or you've failed." Others may have been severely punished, either physically or psychologically (emotionally), by family, friends and/or church for attitudes or behaviour which 'doesn't fit in to their expectations'. So, if someone says or does something that either consciously or sub-consciously reminds us of these past events, we are likely to respond more negatively than when something is said that reminds us of happier experiences. Therefore, it is not surprising that a negative response can be triggered in us by what someone else says. In such a situation, we may feel uneasy or threatened because we no longer feel in control, or we are suddenly back in the classroom being made to look stupid in front of our friends. These types of response arise through insecurity and are more common in people who have grown up with a lot of discipline, but little love, support or encouragement. Since there is this inextricable link between our emotions and our actions, we should not be too surprised if we don't always handle other people very well!' 'We have grown new church communities based on flawed theology, where we must live in the victory, overcome our wrongs, doubts and fears, or even worse and far more dangerous, deny that they exist! Since this comes downwards from the leadership, it is not surprising that there are many people who are bound-up with guilt just because they acknowledge that they haven't arrived yet.' 'Although it may come as a shock to some of us, church leaders are human and therefore, perfectly capable of making mistakes. Many of these mistakes are made as fellowships seek to work out their interpretation of what God says in Scripture (The Bible). They are important for growth, maturity and forward movement. However, it is when leaders try to claim infallibility and take over God's role that the mistakes become dangerous. Pride can all too easily replace humility, and spiritual fervour displaces common sense and discernment. "What would Jesus really do?" is replaced by "Lets sort this out!"' 'We would do well to remember and act upon the words of Saint Francis of Assissi: "Preach the gospel at all times; if necessary, use words."' THE IMPORTANCE OF RELATIONSHIP: 'I am reminded of a story about a priest who decided, one sunny Sunday morning, to play a round of golf rather than take the morning service. So, he rang the church office to explain that he was ill and then drove to the golf course. The angels saw this and told God, who said, "Don't worry, he'll be suitably punished." At the first tee the priest took out a wood and drove the ball straight down the fairway. Two bounces later it had cleared the bunkers and rolled onto the green. Then, forming a long, slow, right hand arc the ball eventually struck the flag and dropped in the hole. A hole-in-one! At the next hole the story was similar. A shorter hole, with the green beyond some nasty thickets, the priest decided to use a one iron. He played his tee shot and watched in amazement as the ball flew towards some trees, struck one, bounced over the thickets and a large bunker, onto the green, hit the flag pole and dropped straight in. Another hole-in-one! The angels were getting agitated and said to God, "Do something about this!" God said, "It's all in hand." Despite this, the priest continued to score a hole-in-one at each of the successive sixteen holes to give him a round of 18, an all time record. At this, the chief angel lost his temper. "You said you'd punish this priest and all he does is break the course record with a total score of 18!" "Yes!" said God, "But who can he tell?"'
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04 Jan 2006 15:48:36 -0000 |
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